things have been mostly peaceful for the last few years, and they seem mostly peaceful here too.
it's less fun and betterment though and more
fighting again. before i got here, we were fighting that woman i told you about, along with some stormtroopers. and then when i got here, there was the thing with the hunt.
i'm still more comfortable with a blaster in my hands than i am at a get together. makes me think about what i'll do when i actually get back home.
I don't know if this helps, but I'd say it took me at least 6 months to get out of battle ready mode, and several of them I was completely weaponless. Thankfully Temba was almost completely peaceful. I learned a lot about agriculture, actually.
Trench wasn't as peaceful, but I still spent a lot of time thinking about Jedi vs soldier vs Ezra Bridger, citizen. And eventually I landed on - I can fight and will when I must, to defend myself and my neighbors, but I *don't* want to hold myself out as a fighter, as a main role. I could have picked what we called hunters as a profession. I probably would have, when I was younger. But that's not who I wanted to be, at least not right now.
i thought i'd gotten out of it. i've been without a weapon for much longer than that, after all. and the lightsaber i have with me here is sabine's, not mine.
but even with everything she told me about our galaxy, it felt like nothing had changed. we were still fighting the empire.
i'll have to go through all that introspection on my own, even if i land on the same answer. i just wish it wasn't so easy to slide back into the soldier mindset.
although maybe i'm ready to become a jedi mandalorian?
Hahah, maybe Din - sorry Mando, I don't think he's told anyone his name here - would adopt you into his clan. He already has a Jedi kid, although Grogu's not here.
Cobb says the Empire is gone, so I think things have changed for a lot of people. On the other hand, the future Rey is from has this 'First Order' business, so maybe things haven't changed enough. I don't know.
I think deciding who want to be here is more useful than worrying about back home though.
i won't tell him you told me, cobb said i should wait for "mando" to tell me himself. but it's weird calling him that? mandalorians are weird.
i don't know yet, though, whether it's here or home. which i guess is okay. and it's probably also okay for me to consider myself a fighter.
at least, better to accept that than to keep being afraid and worrying over what it means. we always talk about the dangers of fear as jedi, but it's more annoying than dangerous at times.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 07:28 pm (UTC)it's less fun and betterment though and more
fighting again. before i got here, we were fighting that woman i told you about, along with some stormtroopers. and then when i got here, there was the thing with the hunt.
i'm still more comfortable with a blaster in my hands than i am at a get together. makes me think about what i'll do when i actually get back home.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 07:43 pm (UTC)Trench wasn't as peaceful, but I still spent a lot of time thinking about Jedi vs soldier vs Ezra Bridger, citizen. And eventually I landed on - I can fight and will when I must, to defend myself and my neighbors, but I *don't* want to hold myself out as a fighter, as a main role. I could have picked what we called hunters as a profession. I probably would have, when I was younger. But that's not who I wanted to be, at least not right now.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 08:06 pm (UTC)but even with everything she told me about our galaxy, it felt like nothing had changed. we were still fighting the empire.
i'll have to go through all that introspection on my own, even if i land on the same answer. i just wish it wasn't so easy to slide back into the soldier mindset.
although maybe i'm ready to become a jedi mandalorian?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 08:14 pm (UTC)Cobb says the Empire is gone, so I think things have changed for a lot of people. On the other hand, the future Rey is from has this 'First Order' business, so maybe things haven't changed enough. I don't know.
I think deciding who want to be here is more useful than worrying about back home though.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 08:26 pm (UTC)i don't know yet, though, whether it's here or home. which i guess is okay. and it's probably also okay for me to consider myself a fighter.
at least, better to accept that than to keep being afraid and worrying over what it means. we always talk about the dangers of fear as jedi, but it's more annoying than dangerous at times.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 08:38 pm (UTC)Missing other versions of the people you know, possibly the most annoying.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-13 09:34 pm (UTC)he seems really grateful to have you here, especially considering what point of the timeline he's from.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-24 10:40 pm (UTC)